About five years ago I stopped writing anything personal. I had always loved writing especially poetry. But one day I slammed the door on my writing. i was going through alot, and I couldn't deal with the emotional upheaval my writing created. I was so deeply depressed I had trouble getting up in the mornings. It was a struggle to get through the day. It was like the only way to survive was to shut down the part of myself that felt all the pain. What i didn't realize is that by doing this I was also shutting down my creativety. That part of myself that really defined who i was and how I relate to the world. I have recently started writing again. It feels so strange to me. How something that once came so easily, is now so dificult. Writng used to be easy, right my words flowed natural as breathing. The words flowed from me. Now I find I have to fight to find the right words. its like streching out a muscle after its been in a cast for a while. I have to rememer how to tap into the writer in me. I thought it would be easier some how. Even though it has been a didcult process, it has also been wonderful. i have forgotten how good it feels to describe a momment or a feeling so perfectly that its like being their again or so that anyone who reads it feels like they are there too. The satisfaction of saying exactly what I want exactly how I want. I also feel a need to share my words. When i was young I would hate for anyone to see my writing. Now I feel a need to share it becaue I can't contain them to myself.I hope that my writing will lead somewhare but if not I know that I can nver stop writing no matter what. I have to write to feel alive.